Out with the old

I haven't been able to commit myself to writing in my blog. My excuses are mostly that I do not have the time to do it since I have a baby girl and two older boys to take care of. I had a job to return to part-time, summer vacation days to fill, a house under reorganization (to fit in our wonderful new baby), and all the while I've been sleep deprived most days. While this is all true and good reasons to put writing on the back burner, the biggest reason of all? The one that stomps the life out of all of my ideas and dreams? Fear. It's simple really: I am afraid to not be perfect and to fail. (Failing at a blog seems ridiculous I'm sure, but it's more than that for me.)

I see this trait reflected in my oldest son. He is intelligent and imaginative, loving and sentimental, but he is also anxious about trying new things and not being good at something. It's hard to see something in your child that you have had a hard time dealing with yourself. Thankfully he doesn't have to see it the same way that I do. He can be perfectly happy and comfortable in his own skin and that's what is so wonderful about life. We are not doomed to make the same mistakes as others or to live our lives exactly like our parents lived theirs. Yes, we women do turn into our mothers eventually, but always as a slightly better version!

I'm going to try to shed my crusty, insecure, tired, beaten-up skin. I'll write what I feel like and stop trying to have it all make sense. Because really, why would I care if people think I am strange? I already know I am. If writing makes me feel good then it could be fun and therapeutic all at the same time! And if by chance this provides one person out there with a laugh once in awhile, then I've earned bonus points.

P