Disappearing act

Ta-da! How'd you like my sideshow attraction? The blogger who disappears when life gets hard?

Sad thing is I didn't even realize it's been a whole two months since I last wrote, nor did I care.

I just read my last post - well, the one that I was writing on November 7th and didn't publish - and now I can clearly see why I disappeared. I was in the midst of reading Eat, Pray, Love so of course I was analyzing my own life a bit; I had just taken on a new weekend job doing something I've always wanted to do - photography; and the holidays were approaching. Fast. I just had to drop a ball and blogging was it.

The holidays were good to us. The "extra" income really wasn't so extra after all. And we had the lowest budget for the kids in many, many years. That being said, they are happy and so are we. I received a new perfume (it's been years since I bought any) and I got my husband a new coffee mug with his beautiful daughter on it. It outshines the old mugs of the boys, but that's to be expected. She's the princess of the family!

Speaking of the Princess, she totally enjoyed Christmas and the days leading up to it. She probably thinks we'll be having another one in a few days. I've tried to cut back on the Christmas stories and songs at bedtime, but they have become her favorites. With the tree up and holiday shows still playing on the TiVo, the concept that Christmas is only for one day is a hard one to digest! She has really picked up on her words and "Santa" is one of her clearest. :)  She makes me so happy and in love with her every single day. We're completely blessed with our little girl.

So what's the outlook for 2011? New visions? New adventures? Continued successes and blessings? Above all else I hope it includes good health for our immediate and extended families.

May you and yours have a wonderful New Year. :)  See you around in 2011!

Wordless Wednesday -- Dazed Dolly

Virtual Coffee I

This is a great idea, virtual coffee. I think I'll try it today and see if I can remember every Tuesday.

(And no, I do not usually drink coffee at 11 p.m. but today was busy and I'll take what I can get!)

If we were meeting for coffee I'd have a decaf with some kind of sweet pumpkiny creamer in it. Mmmm.

If we were meeting for coffee today I'm sure the first thing we'd talk about is the weather. How can it be 70 today when days ago it was in the 40s? But then we'd chuckle and say, "We'll take it." because it's the northeast and we take what warm weather we can get after September and until May.

I would definitely tell you that today I tried hard not to stress out too much but I decided to take all three kids, and the DOG, all by myself to get professional photos taken. Yes, I must be crazy. In my defense I knew what I was getting into when I planned this. I knew I could do it if I didn't expect it all to work out perfectly. I knew since I wasn't going to be in them I would have more control. I knew it would be easier and save more time to try it today because it was an on-site shoot at our local elementary. Verrrrry close by. Easy. Simple. Bliss.

Well, it wasn't bliss, but it wasn't much worse than that. I'd tell you it was nearly painless and it took all of 10 minutes and a shirt soaked with perspiration and then it was over. I'm assured the pics are adorable.

I brought the kids home and since my inner control freak took over (you'd laugh in recognition), and the warmer weather lured me, I grabbed my old (read: film-only) Canon Rebel and headed for the leaves with the kids. B did attempt to rake (!) the leaves into a pile but once said pile was made the boys went c.r.a.z.y. and wouldn't pose and the baby toddler wouldn't stay near me. "But everyone was SO happy!" I'd say. And you would agree that that was the best kind of crazy.

I'd finish up my story telling you how I chased E around until we were both tired from the effort and I used up the rest of the film. Which would lead us to talk about how crazy hard it used to be having a limited amount of photos to take and not know if ANY of them came out well enough for you to spend the $$$ to develop them. Which took days to do! We'd laugh and sigh at how our kids just aren't going to learn any patience with technology the way it is.

Then I'd have to slap your hand as you pulled out your phone to read a text message.

Halloween is coming up fast so we'd chatter on a bit more. I'd tell you about my search for a costume for E and settling on a bee. She even said, "Bee!" as I was trying it on her and that sold me. I'd then roll my eyes and laugh at how, once again, she's going to be a delicate insect (last year she was a ladybug) and her brother is, once again, going to be a demonic creature. <sigh> I guess I should be relieved my middle child still wants to go at all because my oldest has refused. We'll see when Halloween comes and he's craving candy!

Hopefully you'd have some funny stories of the day to share with me as we sipped the last of our drinks. It's getting late and we've both got full days ahead tomorrow. Thanks for meeting with me today. I've enjoyed your company and look forward to next week.

Thursday (aka "Applause")

Something worked. Something about writing it out made it happen.

Yesterday I spent the better part of the day going through the many boxes of clothing swamping the area I call an office. (The "office" area, by the way, would be great if it wasn't, in actuality, so pathetic.)

I divided! I conquered! I even got rid of four of the eight boxes to neighbors the very next day. I am awesome!

(I am also going to politely ignore the next pile of Hoarders-Worthy Evil waiting for my attention. At least for tonight.)

Tuesday

The funny thing is, yesterday's post was supposed to be more than that. I wrote a bit and didn't like it so I cut most of it out, then something weird happened, I hit "post" by accident, and what you see is what was left. And it was perfect. Funny how things like that happen sometimes.

Today I have managed once again to completely ignore the boxes. The some-half-full-some-overflowing-and-some-empty boxes of little girl's clothes that I have to decide what to do with. But not tonight. My daughter is not settling down to sleep and is crying a little so I'm going to check on her.

Screw those boxes and their representation of clutter and indecision and guilt!

Monday

I've quickly managed to ignore the piles of boxes surrounding my desk.



(See photo #10- 10-on-10 )

What is this about?

My blog isn't about anything in particular except what strikes me as interesting or important at the time. I guess that is a valid type of blog in and of itself. But I haven't been able to figure out if I am that or more than that... if I will be able to write and maintain some kind of consistency. As it is, I don't tell anyone that I write a blog and I do nothing to promote myself. It's like I'm hiding out in the open. And this is because I just don't know why I'm doing this.

I used to keep journals, most of my young life and early adulthood. Writing helped me get out what I wanted to say whether it was acceptable or not. At first I used to self-edit by not writing exactly what I meant, or by using code or alluding to things instead of being direct. I look back and wonder why the heck didn't I just write what I meant!? Why did I only write the name of the boy that I had a crush on in fifth grade behind a heart sticker? In my locked diary. Talk about issues.

I became more honest in my young adulthood. It was much easier to put my feelings on paper. Mostly about how lonely I was and why didn't so-and-so feel anything back for me. Then I got married and "vented" to my journal. My husband was, unfortunately, the focus of my vents many times so I couldn't share it with him. It became too painful and eventually I fell away from writing at all.

(I then got really into scrapbooking. I loved framing my children's lives to look all lovely and beautiful. I found that quite satisfying. I would still do it today if I could fathom how I am going to catch up on eight years of my boys' lives. Plus the last 18 months of our baby girl's! Oy. I am nauseated just thinking about it.)

Eventually I was lured into the digital world and blogging. I can go back and edit my paragraph fifteen times before I publish it. Which takes me forever to publish a post. Which makes me not bother doing it at all. There has to be a better way! Maybe I can just let go of what it's "supposed" to be and just embrace what it is. Me. Blabbering. It's what I do best!!

So if you have come here because you are one of two friends I told about it, because you stumbled here by mistake ;), or because you are curious if this is an interior design blog, then I'm sorry but I cannot tell you what this is all about. Well... maybe this will help: The reason I chose "Bland to Grand" is that I wanted to transform from what I felt like I was at the time (bland/boring) to something that I felt I could be. Awesome. I've been working on that, inside and out, and I'm definitely making progress.

Another thing I can tell you is this is written by a woman who really wants one of the following things:

1. To make you laugh
2. To vent
3. To make you laugh when I vent

I prefer method number 3.

Consider yourself warned. If you stick around, Thank You, and if not, I shall (hopefully) never know the difference.

:)
Pam

10-10-10

I love this idea of "10 on 10" that I first learned about on this blog Trains, Tutus and Teatime. (I love Corinne's honest and lovely writing, and her pictures are authentic and adorable.)

Ten on Ten is a simple idea: "Take a photo every hour for ten consecutive hours on the tenth of each month. Document a day of your life and find beauty among the ordinary moments. Then share your beauty with us!"

I have missed the 10th of the month quite a few times and finally today, on the historical 10/10/10, I remembered! Only problem is... I didn't quite get it "right." It wasn't for ten consecutive hours because I started late and, honestly, forgot all about that part. But I did capture ten moments in the day so here they are for October 10th:

Click here to view these pictures larger

I will learn how to embed them next time. For now, they were supposed to be labeled as such:

1. shoes
I took E out for a bit in the morning.

2. breakfast
She loves her yogurt. Today mixed with sweet potatoes (which she also loves).

3. goodies
My leftovers after a pancake breakfast at the local firehouse.

4. lunchtime show and tell
E points to her big brother.

5. cards
D brought out the cards today. Haven't seen them in awhile.

6. goofy nuttiness
D goofing around with Grandma (or "Nana" to E).

7. fall leaves
I wanted to capture the deep blue sky contrasting with the bright colorful leaves on my neighbor's tree. I'll need to work on that.

8. pie
My FIL loves apple pie. I made him one on Friday and got a chance to bring it to him today.

9. diaper change
We are entering the difficult or wiggly stage of diaper changing. Tonight we got a laugh though.

10. mess
Today I moved this mess from my porch to my office space. No, I did not go through any of it before fighting my way to my laptop to write here tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

And another mess to clean up.


I hope you enjoyed viewing and I hope to remember next month! :)

bed time?

I think that my Ode to Night Owls has transformed me into someone else. Since school began two weeks ago I have gone from late-night-internet-addict to a very different in-bed-by-nine-thirty-Old-Lady. Going to bed that early is a first for me and the sad thing about it is that I like it. Ugh. It makes me throw up a little in my mouth just writing that. What happened to me? When did I become so old?!? That's what early bedtimes signify to me -- either a child or someone who is no longer youthful (i.e. OLD).

So when did I become old? It must have been this summer. No, strike that, I think it was when I had my daughter. I definitely felt old after that. But this summer as I tried new things like yoga and nia classes, I came to understand why women say that they weren't happy until their thirties. You know yourself better, your life is more settled, yada yada. Yeah, but it's true! I have settled... into the fact that I'm not cool and not a fresh new parent and I will never fit into those categories. So why try? I am who I am. For the first time in my life I'm becoming comfortable with that. I just never, EVER, thought that what I am... is a woman who enjoys going to bed early to get a full night's sleep.

Think about it. What have you discovered about yourself that surprises you?


edited to add:
And yes, I posted this at nearly midnight. One of my rebellious late nights, trying to recapture my youth I suppose. I will pay for this tomorrow. Oh yes, I will pay.

So much to write, so little time

I have been browsing a lot of new (to me) blogs lately. Between that and trying to enjoy the last weeks of summer I haven't gotten around to my own blog. There is so much I see and read that I want to share so I can't wait to devote more time to it. Until then, I hope everyone is enjoying the last days of vacation or the first days of school. I am eagerly awaiting my boys having more order in their lives, but not so much the early mornings! I have been so spoiled and I need to tweak my internal clock a bit so that I am not staying up until past midnight with a 6:30 alarm slapping me awake!

So here's to all the Night Owls out there who are adjusting to the school schedule again:
May we find moments during our hectic days for the things we crave to do in the quiet of the evening.
May we rest our weary heads on our pillows just a wee bit earlier every night.
And last but not least, May we discover a way to freeze time around us so that we don't actually have to change a thing. :P

A difference in perception?

Today I inadvertently smashed my pinkie toe into the mat in yoga class. Hey, I have long legs and it can be hard to swing one up between my hands in one smooth motion! But I digress. After class a friend/neighbor asked a friendly, "How are you doing?" I gave a quick, "I'm good." But with a smile on my face I immediately followed it up with a, "Not really, I'm lying. I just broke my toe!" and from there we laughed at my clumsiness and chatted on our way to pick up our kids from the daycare room. I like to share things in my life and put a funny spin on it, or make it all dramatic and silly like I am the biggest klutz ever. But sometimes when I do this I feel like maybe all I am really doing is complaining and being a downer. I stated this to my friend and she said that, in fact, I was a pretty optimistic person. As she disappeared through the ladies room door I hung on to her words. It validated that I was making the proper distinction between Funny Lady and Debbie Downer.

It seems to me there is a fine line between the two but it is a significant difference.

The difference between a "klutz" and a "why me?" type of person is one thing - humor. If you can poke some fun at yourself and your mistakes, your falls and your missteps, then others can laugh along with you and enjoy your company. On the other hand, if you are always taking yourself seriously and pointing out how awful things keep happening to you, well, you aren't leaving much room for optimism. Maybe just some forced sympathy.

Being a mom there are some days you just have no humor left within you to draw from. That's not what I'm talking about. On those days hopefully you find a friend to share with and she will help you see the brighter side; refill your humor well. Then next time you can tell her how you dropped a pair of scissors, a full sippy cup, and a kitchen chair on your left foot all within a week.... And that was before the yoga incident....

(Edited to add:  My main thought may not have been clear and that is I tread this line daily and I want to be sure I am on the humorous side more often than not! I'm moving forward with this distinction in mind. :)  )

The Book She Could Not Finish?

I have been reading a really good book. It's informative and an important book for me that I'm getting a lot out of. But I am only reading one or two pages at a time. Seriously. It's taking me FOR.EV.ER. to get through it and that's driving me bonkers. I got it from the library and I've renewed it three times. THREE TIMES! It's actually due today but I'm only on page 244 of 380 pages. I have no renewals left and I need to finish it! Need to! No Mrs. Librarian, you CANNOT have your book back yet!

I could be reading it right now. I should be. But it's so hard for me to read. Everything has meaning and I'm trying to absorb it all into my withered brain. Just the title takes a full minute to read and digest: "Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism". It is written by two well-known adults on the autism spectrum (Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron). They recount their struggles with social relationships and what they have learned that they can share with us, the neurotypicals (NTs) of the world. Having a son that is struggling with these issues I try to relate everything I am reading to what he is going through, what he can learn, how I could teach him and even how I can think differently about the social world we live in. It's good stuff and I am happy to be reading it. Happy to be thinking and learning. Even if it is a few pages here and there.

Thinking, contemplating and putting the pieces of the puzzle together are enjoyable but take a LOT of time and effort. Something I am in short supply of nowadays.You hear that Mrs. Librarian? I'm old and rusty and busy too! Can't you just give me a few more days (or weeks/months/years)?!?!?!

*Sigh.* Time to buy myself a copy.

Follow Up to "Hanging On"

Remember when I said I was sitting peacefully on my porch writing my last entry? Yeah. About that. I had a nagging feeling at the time, like I wasn't supposed to have that quiet to myself. I ignored it and continued to enjoy my time alone. It took me two hours to realize what I was supposed to be doing. Two hours to hear my son say, "Mom, I thought you were making us lunch?" Omg, I didn't. Yes, yes I did. I forgot that I'd told them I would make them lunch and call them downstairs when it was ready. Are you laughing yet?? Because I am. I felt a little bad and guilty, but also amused that once again (yes, I've done it before) I'd forgotten to give my children one of their daily needs. Oops. Oh well they ate a late lunch that day. At least I'd fed the baby!

Still Here... Hanging On

It's summer time and we're busy and that's my excuse. Truth be told it is the fact that I am struggling with wanting to write more than I am willing to at this time. I don't know how much to share. I'll tell you this though: my sons, ages 12 and 9 (hitting double digits this month!), are completely driving me crazy most days. The arguing, both amongst themselves and with me, has reached a new level. Even when I try to remain calm I feel like I'm attacked many times every day. But somehow today I have escaped to sit on our dilapidated porch while the baby naps. It is quiet and awesome. Even the weed whacker in the distance and the flies constantly landing on my legs don't bother me. I am home and I have peace. That is what I have been waiting for!

So let's interrupt this peaceful moment with what is nagging at me. Here it is:
My younger son has autism. He was diagnosed at age 5 with Asperger's Syndrome. He has always been a handful but lately his behavior makes me want to ship him off for a few months for a reprieve. I'm not joking and I feel like the worst mother in the world. I just need a break! School will be here in a month and then I will miss him and his eager smile and his bountiful hugs and kisses.

My oldest son is 12. Enough said?! Actually I have to admit that he has been much more pleasant to be around lately. He antagonizes his brother almost daily but then he'll be kind and be his best friend. He's less rude and disrespectful because I have demanded better of him. He's maturing and I see that wonderful spirit that I saw when he was a young child. I have been making a concerted effort to see the good things he does and to tell him more often how great I think he is.

My daughter is almost 17 months and she is a joy to be around. She is quiet but loves to play and she is very interested in her surroundings. She's always half-running around the house playing with toys or trying to help Mommy. She likes to grab the broom to sweep and will put toys away if I ask (and it helps if I sing the annoying Barney Clean Up song). She is starting to say a few words now and I love hearing her little girly voice. With all this happiness I have inside me from being around her and having her in my life, I still think it's going to slip away and I will have Brat #3 on my hands before I know it. So I savor every good moment. She is probably the reason I am surviving this very long summer home alone with three kids. She is my light.

So life is good. Sometimes bad. I want to focus on the good, but I have trouble getting past the bad sometimes. Because it can be really, really bad when dealing with autism. And it can be really, really lonely. I don't know if writing about it will help or just make me feel worse. So let me contemplate that a little more and I'll get back to you.

Birthdays

So the Girl had her first birthday in March and now today is the Eldest's big day. Except it's not really a "big" day. He's 12 and we're not having a big birthday party. We're not having a little one either. Well, if you count having cake and ice cream as a family then I guess we are having a little one. Teeny.

My husband said it's time to stop the birthday parties. That was hard for me as I've always gone above and beyond making them extra special and unique. But, alas, I've been falling out of love with them for the past several years. All the work and stress was worth it when they were little and engaged and full of pure joy. But as kids get older they understandably don't want to be treated "like babies" and their idea for a fun party consists of them and their friends sitting around playing video games. Um, not fun for me. Hence the falling out of love with children's birthday parties. Which is quite sad I must say, seeing as I have one more child now that is sure to want huge, fun parties. I think it's a good thing she is a girl and I will be more enticed by the options I now have. Maybe I could get excited over that.

I still have my Middle guy to appease. He is going to be 10 this summer and is still into themes. My husband will probably say forget it, and frankly so may I, but maybe I can sneak in one more. Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm stems from the fact that I'm just getting older and not enjoying my own birthdays as much anymore. I feel selfish to want the day to be all about me, but I do! If only I could shout out orders: Clean the house! Feed me! Make me a cake! Buy me special presents! Hmm, sounds like the ungrateful one turns out to be ME. ;P

Now it's time to pack up the children and head, begrudgingly, out to the Eldest's choice for his birthday dinner: McDonald's. :(  I can not groan enough as I type this. Can you feel my pain?! I thought heading out to dinner would be a treat for all of us. Turns out that Mom and Dad are going to suck it up and smile. Happy Birthday!

The remote and a baby

My nearly-one-year-old daughter has almost mastered the remote control for the Tivo and TV. How's that for a quick learner? At this moment she has retrieved the clicker from the other side of Mt. Laundry, pushed the button to turn the TV on, and has again climbed Mt. Laundry to get a better viewing angle. But as with most one-year-olds, when faced with a screen that does nothing but show a list of Mommy's boring thirty-something-year-old shows, she has lost interest and has moved on to taking the hat off her mini baby doll's head. That's more like it.

Time for me to grab that remote and find a better hiding spot!

Talking about how boring I am....

A friend and I were "tweeting" tonight, but not how you think. It was more like Intro to Tweet or Twitter 101 and she was my inept teacher. (Sorry, P, that is said with humor and love.) I don't really see the point in my taking part in it. I use facebook all the time. To snoop. I don't think anyone really wants to hear all the random crap that comes into my head. (Yes, the irony being that here I expel those thoughts, but I like to think that it is much less random and a little more crafted.) That being said I have decided to just go with it and throw some nonsense out there for stress relief or to make my friend laugh. Maybe it will be like the feeling of relief that I get when I loudly curse after slamming my thigh into the corner of the table. Again. Because I have not learned in my thirty-some-odd years how to navigate my body AROUND furniture instead of through it. Yes, folks, this could be fun. I shall embrace it! Time to let the profanities and sporadic thoughts fly!!

New Look

I'm trying to update the look of my blog. Funny thing is, growing up in the 80's I loved color and I vowed to never wear those boring browns and greens (gag!) that my mother always picked out. Yeah about that. Here I am in my thirties and all I wear are the boring tans and muted shades of blue and green. What the heck happened?? When did I lose all my nerve to take risks in clothing? Oh right. Probably when I realized that my mile-high hair did not look good.

I think I'm better off.

An "off" week

I was really dreading my boys being home on Winter Break this week. I thought for sure that they would raise hell and make messes everywhere and just drive me crazy. I have been pleasantly surprised to the contrary. With the aid of two hours of screen time a day (or more if they earn it) we are making it through. I have even enjoyed many aspects of it, such as having someone to watch and play with the baby while I take a shower in the morning. No rush and no interruptions - Heaven!

At first I thought that I should make plans to keep them busy all week. You know, find some activities to take them to, do something, anything to keep them occupied. But the snowfall early in the week has provided a play scape right outside our door. It turns out that this is the best activity I could ever ask for. No travel necessary, really cheap (ha!), and its novel since we haven't had much snow this year. The baby naps, the boys play, and Momma gets some chores done around the house - Perfect!

There has been a relaxed routine to our days that I will definitely miss next week. When the school bus returns I will find things that have to be done and have no excuse to put them off. There will be groceries to buy and errands to run, phone calls to make, appointments to go to, and when the boys return home exhausted and possibly grumpy, that nasty homework will have found its way back into our lives. This week hasn't been perfect and there has been arguing and fights, but overall it's been quiet and pleasant. So for now, for one more day, I am going to enjoy my kids being home with me. Warts and all. My kids are "off" from school and so am I - Sweet!

Screen Free?

It's "Screen Free Week" for my boys this week. Technically it's just the elementary school but my middle-schooler is supposed to participate, says ME. My youngest son was just leaving a cool afterschool activity of tie-dying when he frantically (but pleasantly) asked me what, what, what was he going to do the rest of the night? He ended up playing Wii Fit and Wii Sports. Yes, they are video games, but they're given the OK because they promote physical fitness. So that's what he did tonight while I went to the community center and did some real physical fitness and played volleyball. Or attempted to. With a hodge-podge of skill levels some nights it's frustrating not to get in a good workout. I've decided to suck it up and go and play anyway since it's my only outlet at the moment.

But back to the Screen Free Week... I have participated previously but I don't plan to this time. I am trying to be conscious of it and cut back, but I'm on the computer now and this morning watched a little television (I just started watching "Breaking Bad". Whoa!). As a matter of fact, that big, lovely screen is calling out to me now. "Hello...? Hello...? Where are you? Come to me. You know you want me. You know you want to sit and relax with me. You have American Idol to catch up on! Please visit with me! Just for a bit. I promise you can watch just one show and I won't delete the rest.... Just for a bit. A little bit...."

Yeah, see you later laptop!

Sickies and Check Me Outs

We all hate when our kids get sick. Whether you hate to see them suffer or the extra work you have to do to care for them or whatever, it stinks. Mine were suffering last week from strange, seemingly unrelated symptoms so I took them in together. One had massive sinus stuff, the other a crick in his neck and uneven shoulders (weird!) and the littlest munchkin had straight fever, nothing else. Not to mention that I was a runny, sneeze-y mess who couldn't answer the doctor's questions without a tissue pressed up to the side of my face. Two positive strep tests later (go figure!) we were on our way to the grocery store to fill the prescriptions and pick up some groceries since it was my usual shopping day. It was awful! I vowed "NEVER AGAIN" and I hope to remember that when I am feeling confident and in control some day in the future. Note to future self: Don't do it. Don't be a martyr and take them all. Go alone or eat those outdated beets and baked beans until you can!

Obviously curious why my two school-age children were raising havoc in the market, the bagger asked the checkout clerk if school was out that day. She dutifully replied that it was Regents week while I answered out loud that they were sick. I trailed off at the end, thinking how I now wanted to explain further that I was on them like white on rice about not touching anything while we were there, and hence my stressed out demeanor at the checkout. I didn't bother. I don't think the cashier/bagger conversation is really supposed to include me. Have you ever felt that way? That they know they have an audience but don't really acknowledge it? I have heard many stories about late-night partying or, my fave, gossip about other employees. Later this week when I went there again (alone!) I overheard about the love-hate viewing habits of The Jersey Shore and how "orange" those guys are, as well as how one of their fellow coworkers was looking a little tangerine himself until lately. I thought it was amusing but I didn't know if I should laugh, add my own comment, or just smile and leave. I chose number three. When in doubt always choose "C".

The kids are feeling better now and so am I. They are back in school and I am back to going to the market solo. Well, nearly. I still have the little one and she does like to squeal and shriek in the cart to draw attention. But that's ok. I'll just enjoy my little conversations with her as I make my way through the aisles and to the checkout. Maybe next time we can discuss our middle-of-the night parties, how red Elmo is looking lately or how we wonder if the new trend in bagging is to squash the bananas with the canned goods. Oh if only I were brave enough to choose "C"!

Update to Christmas post

As I sit here re-reading my last post two weeks later I realize a couple things:
1) we may never get a new tree (that duct-taped stand may have to do!), and
2) it already feels like it's been months since Christmas.

There's usually a depressing lull that happens after the holidays. All that running around and seeing people takes its toll and there is at first a welcome break. But once the kids are back in school (and thank goodness they are back in school!) and you start to get your routine back again, the northeast cold settles into your bones and you realize there's nothing to do.

A little nothing to do is fine. I welcome it whole-heartedly. But a LOT of nothing to do, as in feeling like you have no purpose, well that's just not a good road to be walking along in the depths of the winter season. Why do I stay in New York and bear all this cold and snow and wind and snow and ice and snow? Because of days like today, when it's in the high 30's and the sun is shining so everything is bright and white. The air feels cool and fresh and your spirits are lifted. Time to take a real walk out in the sunshine and dream about spring!