Perseverate Much?

Tonight at dinner my son just wouldn't let something go. I asked him to stop talking about it. To please wait until I got dinner on everyone's plate before he got into it again. The asking. Nagging. Asking again.

Just. Not. Letting. It. GO.

A minute later he brought it up again. My fuse was short as my youngest was yelling and fussing in her high chair wanting her food, my oldest was loudly talking about something too (why doesn't he have volume control yet?!), and I didn't want to discuss this matter as I'd already said NO five times prior.

That was it, I dropped the (figurative) hammer. I cut him off. I told him to stop. STOP! I told him he couldn't say another word about it right now. I told him we could talk about it while we're eating as a dinner conversation but NOT RIGHT NOW. The poor kid replied, "I'll just say it even if you don't listen" in such a helpless, I-just-need-to-get-it-out-of-my-head kind of way. I felt no better than a crumb but I told him, "No, you can't. Don't say another word."

It feels so bad to make him stop and hold it in. It's one of the hardest things I have been trying to do with him lately. At school they've set clear boundaries and so he has learned not to do it so much there. To the contrary, since my boys were little I have let them interrupt me to prattle on about whatever they felt they needed to say at THAT moment. (It's no wonder they both have had impulse control issues!) I didn't want them to feel devalued. I wanted them to know that Mommy is listening! Mommy cares what you have to say!

I still want to listen but have realized that it's okay to tell my kids, in no uncertain terms, that they have to wait for something. Their needs are not the only ones to be met, special needs or not.

Mid-way through our dinner, he calmly brought the subject up again. I praised him for waiting and told him it was a good time to talk about it. I think the conversation only lasted a minute longer and that was the end of it.

Although he didn't exhibit it tonight, he has made EXCELLENT progress accepting "no" for an answer. He can now politely say, "OK" and walk away. It has been wonderful and a huge step forward. Why he couldn't do that tonight I may never know. But he's learning and growing and so am I.


I'd love to learn other tactics to help my son from perseverating on things. What do you use with your kids (special needs or not)?
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