10-10-10

I love this idea of "10 on 10" that I first learned about on this blog Trains, Tutus and Teatime. (I love Corinne's honest and lovely writing, and her pictures are authentic and adorable.)

Ten on Ten is a simple idea: "Take a photo every hour for ten consecutive hours on the tenth of each month. Document a day of your life and find beauty among the ordinary moments. Then share your beauty with us!"

I have missed the 10th of the month quite a few times and finally today, on the historical 10/10/10, I remembered! Only problem is... I didn't quite get it "right." It wasn't for ten consecutive hours because I started late and, honestly, forgot all about that part. But I did capture ten moments in the day so here they are for October 10th:

Click here to view these pictures larger

I will learn how to embed them next time. For now, they were supposed to be labeled as such:

1. shoes
I took E out for a bit in the morning.

2. breakfast
She loves her yogurt. Today mixed with sweet potatoes (which she also loves).

3. goodies
My leftovers after a pancake breakfast at the local firehouse.

4. lunchtime show and tell
E points to her big brother.

5. cards
D brought out the cards today. Haven't seen them in awhile.

6. goofy nuttiness
D goofing around with Grandma (or "Nana" to E).

7. fall leaves
I wanted to capture the deep blue sky contrasting with the bright colorful leaves on my neighbor's tree. I'll need to work on that.

8. pie
My FIL loves apple pie. I made him one on Friday and got a chance to bring it to him today.

9. diaper change
We are entering the difficult or wiggly stage of diaper changing. Tonight we got a laugh though.

10. mess
Today I moved this mess from my porch to my office space. No, I did not go through any of it before fighting my way to my laptop to write here tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

And another mess to clean up.


I hope you enjoyed viewing and I hope to remember next month! :)

bed time?

I think that my Ode to Night Owls has transformed me into someone else. Since school began two weeks ago I have gone from late-night-internet-addict to a very different in-bed-by-nine-thirty-Old-Lady. Going to bed that early is a first for me and the sad thing about it is that I like it. Ugh. It makes me throw up a little in my mouth just writing that. What happened to me? When did I become so old?!? That's what early bedtimes signify to me -- either a child or someone who is no longer youthful (i.e. OLD).

So when did I become old? It must have been this summer. No, strike that, I think it was when I had my daughter. I definitely felt old after that. But this summer as I tried new things like yoga and nia classes, I came to understand why women say that they weren't happy until their thirties. You know yourself better, your life is more settled, yada yada. Yeah, but it's true! I have settled... into the fact that I'm not cool and not a fresh new parent and I will never fit into those categories. So why try? I am who I am. For the first time in my life I'm becoming comfortable with that. I just never, EVER, thought that what I am... is a woman who enjoys going to bed early to get a full night's sleep.

Think about it. What have you discovered about yourself that surprises you?


edited to add:
And yes, I posted this at nearly midnight. One of my rebellious late nights, trying to recapture my youth I suppose. I will pay for this tomorrow. Oh yes, I will pay.

So much to write, so little time

I have been browsing a lot of new (to me) blogs lately. Between that and trying to enjoy the last weeks of summer I haven't gotten around to my own blog. There is so much I see and read that I want to share so I can't wait to devote more time to it. Until then, I hope everyone is enjoying the last days of vacation or the first days of school. I am eagerly awaiting my boys having more order in their lives, but not so much the early mornings! I have been so spoiled and I need to tweak my internal clock a bit so that I am not staying up until past midnight with a 6:30 alarm slapping me awake!

So here's to all the Night Owls out there who are adjusting to the school schedule again:
May we find moments during our hectic days for the things we crave to do in the quiet of the evening.
May we rest our weary heads on our pillows just a wee bit earlier every night.
And last but not least, May we discover a way to freeze time around us so that we don't actually have to change a thing. :P

A difference in perception?

Today I inadvertently smashed my pinkie toe into the mat in yoga class. Hey, I have long legs and it can be hard to swing one up between my hands in one smooth motion! But I digress. After class a friend/neighbor asked a friendly, "How are you doing?" I gave a quick, "I'm good." But with a smile on my face I immediately followed it up with a, "Not really, I'm lying. I just broke my toe!" and from there we laughed at my clumsiness and chatted on our way to pick up our kids from the daycare room. I like to share things in my life and put a funny spin on it, or make it all dramatic and silly like I am the biggest klutz ever. But sometimes when I do this I feel like maybe all I am really doing is complaining and being a downer. I stated this to my friend and she said that, in fact, I was a pretty optimistic person. As she disappeared through the ladies room door I hung on to her words. It validated that I was making the proper distinction between Funny Lady and Debbie Downer.

It seems to me there is a fine line between the two but it is a significant difference.

The difference between a "klutz" and a "why me?" type of person is one thing - humor. If you can poke some fun at yourself and your mistakes, your falls and your missteps, then others can laugh along with you and enjoy your company. On the other hand, if you are always taking yourself seriously and pointing out how awful things keep happening to you, well, you aren't leaving much room for optimism. Maybe just some forced sympathy.

Being a mom there are some days you just have no humor left within you to draw from. That's not what I'm talking about. On those days hopefully you find a friend to share with and she will help you see the brighter side; refill your humor well. Then next time you can tell her how you dropped a pair of scissors, a full sippy cup, and a kitchen chair on your left foot all within a week.... And that was before the yoga incident....

(Edited to add:  My main thought may not have been clear and that is I tread this line daily and I want to be sure I am on the humorous side more often than not! I'm moving forward with this distinction in mind. :)  )

The Book She Could Not Finish?

I have been reading a really good book. It's informative and an important book for me that I'm getting a lot out of. But I am only reading one or two pages at a time. Seriously. It's taking me FOR.EV.ER. to get through it and that's driving me bonkers. I got it from the library and I've renewed it three times. THREE TIMES! It's actually due today but I'm only on page 244 of 380 pages. I have no renewals left and I need to finish it! Need to! No Mrs. Librarian, you CANNOT have your book back yet!

I could be reading it right now. I should be. But it's so hard for me to read. Everything has meaning and I'm trying to absorb it all into my withered brain. Just the title takes a full minute to read and digest: "Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism". It is written by two well-known adults on the autism spectrum (Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron). They recount their struggles with social relationships and what they have learned that they can share with us, the neurotypicals (NTs) of the world. Having a son that is struggling with these issues I try to relate everything I am reading to what he is going through, what he can learn, how I could teach him and even how I can think differently about the social world we live in. It's good stuff and I am happy to be reading it. Happy to be thinking and learning. Even if it is a few pages here and there.

Thinking, contemplating and putting the pieces of the puzzle together are enjoyable but take a LOT of time and effort. Something I am in short supply of nowadays.You hear that Mrs. Librarian? I'm old and rusty and busy too! Can't you just give me a few more days (or weeks/months/years)?!?!?!

*Sigh.* Time to buy myself a copy.

Follow Up to "Hanging On"

Remember when I said I was sitting peacefully on my porch writing my last entry? Yeah. About that. I had a nagging feeling at the time, like I wasn't supposed to have that quiet to myself. I ignored it and continued to enjoy my time alone. It took me two hours to realize what I was supposed to be doing. Two hours to hear my son say, "Mom, I thought you were making us lunch?" Omg, I didn't. Yes, yes I did. I forgot that I'd told them I would make them lunch and call them downstairs when it was ready. Are you laughing yet?? Because I am. I felt a little bad and guilty, but also amused that once again (yes, I've done it before) I'd forgotten to give my children one of their daily needs. Oops. Oh well they ate a late lunch that day. At least I'd fed the baby!

Still Here... Hanging On

It's summer time and we're busy and that's my excuse. Truth be told it is the fact that I am struggling with wanting to write more than I am willing to at this time. I don't know how much to share. I'll tell you this though: my sons, ages 12 and 9 (hitting double digits this month!), are completely driving me crazy most days. The arguing, both amongst themselves and with me, has reached a new level. Even when I try to remain calm I feel like I'm attacked many times every day. But somehow today I have escaped to sit on our dilapidated porch while the baby naps. It is quiet and awesome. Even the weed whacker in the distance and the flies constantly landing on my legs don't bother me. I am home and I have peace. That is what I have been waiting for!

So let's interrupt this peaceful moment with what is nagging at me. Here it is:
My younger son has autism. He was diagnosed at age 5 with Asperger's Syndrome. He has always been a handful but lately his behavior makes me want to ship him off for a few months for a reprieve. I'm not joking and I feel like the worst mother in the world. I just need a break! School will be here in a month and then I will miss him and his eager smile and his bountiful hugs and kisses.

My oldest son is 12. Enough said?! Actually I have to admit that he has been much more pleasant to be around lately. He antagonizes his brother almost daily but then he'll be kind and be his best friend. He's less rude and disrespectful because I have demanded better of him. He's maturing and I see that wonderful spirit that I saw when he was a young child. I have been making a concerted effort to see the good things he does and to tell him more often how great I think he is.

My daughter is almost 17 months and she is a joy to be around. She is quiet but loves to play and she is very interested in her surroundings. She's always half-running around the house playing with toys or trying to help Mommy. She likes to grab the broom to sweep and will put toys away if I ask (and it helps if I sing the annoying Barney Clean Up song). She is starting to say a few words now and I love hearing her little girly voice. With all this happiness I have inside me from being around her and having her in my life, I still think it's going to slip away and I will have Brat #3 on my hands before I know it. So I savor every good moment. She is probably the reason I am surviving this very long summer home alone with three kids. She is my light.

So life is good. Sometimes bad. I want to focus on the good, but I have trouble getting past the bad sometimes. Because it can be really, really bad when dealing with autism. And it can be really, really lonely. I don't know if writing about it will help or just make me feel worse. So let me contemplate that a little more and I'll get back to you.