We all have choices to make in our lives. They happen every day whether they are big or small. Cereal or bagel for breakfast? Pass this guy in the car in front of me or hang behind? Those are the easy ones. The hard choices are the ones that stand out, the ones that stall your brain. You can't make up your mind and you can't move forward without doing so. So you stall. Your brain, your life, stands still. I find myself in this state often and I don't mean that I sit on my couch with drool running out of the side of my mouth because I can't function. I mean that my life spins in the same cycle and cannot move forward.
Let's get into specifics: Today my husband and I were trying to decide what to do with our entryway. We have a problem with flooding in our yard (read: mud) between where we park our vehicles and the steps of our porch. We have to park near the high spots and play a game of Frogger, jumping from one dry spot to the next, trying to avoid splattering mud on ourselves. So the choice is, how do we create a patio area and walkway into the house? Do we pour concrete or use wood? Perhaps we even go for the more expensive pavers? How big do we make it? Should it be on the front or side of the existing porch? Do we need to redo the porch too? The steps are loose and getting dangerous so we have to redo those. Do we keep them where they are or move them to the side? One question begets another and another and soon I want to throw my hands up, curse and go find a cookie. Not that I did. But I wanted to. Today nothing was decided and in essence, we stalled. I'm starting to realize that when I don't make a decision I am, still, making a choice. I choose to stand still. I watch as others live their lives around me while I live my life in one spot.
The biggest choice I've had lately is whether to return to work or not. After having my sweet baby girl almost six months ago, I have been in anguish trying to objectively weigh the pros and cons of returning full time to the workforce. I've wanted to leave my job to be a SAHM again for awhile now but haven't felt that I could, or should. The idea that I can even make a "choice" is a wonderful gift that is not lost on me. It seems a risky time to leave a secure job in this economy, and many cannot even fathom living on one income right now. What's also not lost on me though is the realization that nothing positive is ever gained by fear. A few weeks ago I finally restarted my brain and made the decision not to return to work. Without a proper speech or a formal letter in hand, I informed my supervisor of my intent. He was a bit surprised but respectfully understood, and the relief I had been searching for all of these months finally flooded my body. My choice had been made; now let the pieces fall as they may.
Following my decision to leave my job was a much needed and deserved family vacation. We had not taken one in four years and were anxious but better prepared to deal with possibly bratty children and crummy weather. Thankfully, we had a fantastic, relaxing vacation. The choices we had to make were relatively easy and uncomplicated. What do we want for dinner? Which beach should we go to today? Should we go in the outdoor or indoor pool? With some of those choices I found myself stalling a little bit, but then I would let go of the negative "what-ifs", make a decision and move forward. It felt really good. And then I had a cookie to celebrate.
A mediocre mom who has visions of grandeur.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Graduating 5th Grade
(This should have been posted in late June. Let's just pretend that it was. :) )
My oldest son is graduating from fifth grade tomorrow.
When I was in fifth grade it was scary to think of going to a new school and being completely unfamiliar with both the territory and the demands of middle school. That's when I really started to goof off in some subjects and my friends were all that mattered. Well, that and not being taller than the teachers (which I did not fend off. I was taller than most by the eighth grade). My awkwardness and shyness made me look like a snob and I gave off a grumpy vibe a lot.
I must have had a lot of fun in middle school too though. I can remember goofing off with my friends and the silly things we did. There were a lot of laughs back then. It was a time of walking the line between ignorant childhood bliss and crushing adolescent angst. And speaking of crushes, I don't know if I even told my best friend who it was that I was gaga over. I didn't know how to talk about it and I always felt like I was an oddball and should keep it to myself. I do remember that I had a diary and I wrote it in there, behind a sticker. I'm pretty sure I chucked that diary in the garbage years ago but it would be fun to look at it now. Okay, maybe "fun" is not the right word because it might actually be very painful. Yes, the more I think of it, last time I read it I was embarrassed for myself. Embarrassed OF myself. Hence, I chucked it into the "circular file."
When I look back at that time in my life, the first thing that usually comes to mind is "that was a terrible time". But really it wasn't so bad. I think I need to adjust my attitude, for my own sake as well as my son's. After all, I want him to have a very successful, goofy, silly, funny, crush-filled experience in middle school. And I hope he still opens up to me during our late-night, bedtime-stalling chats. I'd like to hear who he has a crush on.
But it may be awhile. He currently thinks "girls are gross and mean". It's probably better that he doesn't have a diary or journal to remind him he once thought that. But I can remind him. :)
My oldest son is graduating from fifth grade tomorrow.
When I was in fifth grade it was scary to think of going to a new school and being completely unfamiliar with both the territory and the demands of middle school. That's when I really started to goof off in some subjects and my friends were all that mattered. Well, that and not being taller than the teachers (which I did not fend off. I was taller than most by the eighth grade). My awkwardness and shyness made me look like a snob and I gave off a grumpy vibe a lot.
I must have had a lot of fun in middle school too though. I can remember goofing off with my friends and the silly things we did. There were a lot of laughs back then. It was a time of walking the line between ignorant childhood bliss and crushing adolescent angst. And speaking of crushes, I don't know if I even told my best friend who it was that I was gaga over. I didn't know how to talk about it and I always felt like I was an oddball and should keep it to myself. I do remember that I had a diary and I wrote it in there, behind a sticker. I'm pretty sure I chucked that diary in the garbage years ago but it would be fun to look at it now. Okay, maybe "fun" is not the right word because it might actually be very painful. Yes, the more I think of it, last time I read it I was embarrassed for myself. Embarrassed OF myself. Hence, I chucked it into the "circular file."
When I look back at that time in my life, the first thing that usually comes to mind is "that was a terrible time". But really it wasn't so bad. I think I need to adjust my attitude, for my own sake as well as my son's. After all, I want him to have a very successful, goofy, silly, funny, crush-filled experience in middle school. And I hope he still opens up to me during our late-night, bedtime-stalling chats. I'd like to hear who he has a crush on.
But it may be awhile. He currently thinks "girls are gross and mean". It's probably better that he doesn't have a diary or journal to remind him he once thought that. But I can remind him. :)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Bland to Grand
Why would I choose such a title for my first blog? Two reasons: 1) I'm fresh out of witty titles, and 2) I looked around my room for inspiration and I was left with the overall feeling of dissatisfaction with my surroundings. Therefore, I coupled that with my desire to create more in my life and the title was born. Plus, it rhymed. I'm in a rhyming mood lately.
I have discovered a few fun little rhyme-y sayings that I'm starting to use with my kids. The first one I stole from a tv show. I use it when my kids start to complain over what we're having for dinner (an infuriating whine-fest that must be stopped!): "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Lo and behold, give a kid a rhyme and his behavior changes!! Who'dathunk? So last night when I was writing a note on the whiteboard on their bedroom door about being grateful for their teachers' efforts today, I came up with my own: "No complaints and say Thanks." My husband says that doesn't rhyme but I beg to differ. The underlying thought of this little ditty? Shut up and be grateful. But since it rhymes, it is nice! And I can say it in public. And fellow Moms will think I am great. And that's the whole point of teaching them manners anyway, right??
So my advice for you, since you didn't ask for it and apparently that's the best time to give it, is that when you are trying to discipline or teach your children manners, make it rhyme. Good for all occasions!! Need a little help getting started? Here are some more gems: "Mommy'll go crazy if you are lazy!", "If you whine, you buy me wine", and "Potty's are for poop, not your toys". Oh man, have to work on that one.....
I have discovered a few fun little rhyme-y sayings that I'm starting to use with my kids. The first one I stole from a tv show. I use it when my kids start to complain over what we're having for dinner (an infuriating whine-fest that must be stopped!): "You get what you get and you don't get upset." Lo and behold, give a kid a rhyme and his behavior changes!! Who'dathunk? So last night when I was writing a note on the whiteboard on their bedroom door about being grateful for their teachers' efforts today, I came up with my own: "No complaints and say Thanks." My husband says that doesn't rhyme but I beg to differ. The underlying thought of this little ditty? Shut up and be grateful. But since it rhymes, it is nice! And I can say it in public. And fellow Moms will think I am great. And that's the whole point of teaching them manners anyway, right??
So my advice for you, since you didn't ask for it and apparently that's the best time to give it, is that when you are trying to discipline or teach your children manners, make it rhyme. Good for all occasions!! Need a little help getting started? Here are some more gems: "Mommy'll go crazy if you are lazy!", "If you whine, you buy me wine", and "Potty's are for poop, not your toys". Oh man, have to work on that one.....
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